The Art of Being Alone... But Not Being Lonely

People often ask if I feel lonely since moving to the UK. I get it. I moved to another country with just my dog, work from home, I’m single, and don't have many friends here yet. So, fair question.

The real difference between being alone and being lonely, at least for me comes down to mindset.

The last time I, let’s say, attempted to live in London, I was definitely lonely. Honestly, my circumstances weren’t all that different. But because I was always planning my next escape back to California, I never really tried to make this place feel like home. I just sat in my sadness, waiting for something to change.

This time it’s different. I told myself if I was going to make this move again, it had to be different. After all, the cost of shipping myself, my dog, and all my belongings across the world… I literally can’t afford to turn around and go back... joking. Kind of. Not really.

Initially I knew being alone would be part of the deal. But this time, the move was my choice and on my terms, so I came into it ready for the challenge. Still, it’s not easy trying to re-establish yourself somewhere new at this age, or any age. I can be a little shy and a little introverted, so the idea of striking up a random conversation hoping it might lead somewhere feels, let’s just say rather daunting.

So, what am I doing differently this time? Or at least, with more intention?

Well having my somewhat crazy and adventurous pup helps. Our daily explorations through the city streets and open countryside has helped me to establish a routine.

I joined a pretty bougie gym with more classes than anyone could ask for, which is obviously good for my mental and physical health. Plus it creates small, casual connections, like when you catch eyes with someone mid-workout and both agree the last set nearly killed you.

I’m also back on Bumble BFF. Yes, my thumbs are tired from all the swiping, but it got me my first friend last time so why not give it another go.

And one of the biggest things helping me this time is learning to romanticize my alone time, or me time. If it’s a Friday night and I don’t have plans, I’ll go to the market, pick up a good bottle of wine, make something special for dinner, light a candle, and put on a rom-com or my latest binge-worthy show. On Saturdays, I let myself move slower and enjoy my coffee from the couch instead of on the move. During my weekend walks, I’ll stop to sit on a bench and take in the view. I start side projects, read, write, or just let myself enjoy the quiet.

Of course, there are still moments where I wish I had more people to call for Friday drinks or Sunday brunch. But it’s early. I’ll get there. And in the slow and quiet, I sometimes wish I had someone to share it with, a partner to do the slow and quiet things with me.

I had started baking something new on Sundays, which sounded charming and domestic until I realized that without someone to share it with, it might not be great for my waistline (good thing I joined that gym). But in those moments, I try to remind myself this will change. I’ll make more friends. I’ll find that person. Maybe even build a family one day.

So, for now, I’m choosing to be present. To enjoy this season of quality time with ME, knowing it won’t last forever, and, trusting that it’s exactly where I’m meant to be.