My First Love

I’ve always said London was my first love.

There was just something about the way I felt when I was here. The butterflies I’d get seeing the skyline in a movie. The way people would tell me I visibly lit up whenever I talked about London. I looked forward to every visit and dreamed about one day living here. I’d walk through the parks or along the Thames, romanticizing what my life here could look like. There was just something about this city. The old architecture, the beautiful parks, the bright city lights. It always felt like the perfect backdrop to the fantasy life I had created in my head.

Obviously, during my 2019 stint here, my actual life was anything but the perfect rom-com I had pictured. And yet, despite how much I struggled and how badly I wanted to go back to the US, I never actually fell out of love with London. Which, I think, is why coming back felt like something I had to do. To have such a rough experience the first time around and still feel pulled to make the move again? There had to be something there.

Now fast forward to present day... Warning: this next part is going to get a little cheesy.

WHAT IS THIS LIFE I GET TO LIVE?!

I have so many pinch-me moments because I’m actually living out scenes from what used to be nothing more than a daydream. Weekend museum trips with friends. Grabbing a drink at the local pub after work. Walking through the parks holding hands with a man and date nights in the city (story for another blog.) Seeing the skyline and thinking, oh… I actually live here. Even my way-too-expensive Uber rides home after a night out can feel a little surreal as I pass the very sights people travel across the world to see. And I’m just sitting in the back of an Uber, thinking… wait, this is actually my life.

It's all the little things I used to romanticize from afar, except now I'm actually in them. And maybe that's the part that gets me the most.

My dad used to tell me that he knew I was a happy person, but he prayed that I would find joy. I think most of the people closest to me could see that I was happy, but there was always something underneath it. Well, dad, I think your prayers have been answered because I genuinely could not be more thankful for the life I've built for myself here.

And it reminds me of a line from one of my favorite movies, The Holiday, when Arthur tells Iris:

"In the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady. But for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."

And maybe that's what I've finally figured out. I don't want to sit on the sidelines, I want to be the leading lady.

So, London, thanks for being my first love. Thanks for pulling me back when I needed a fresh start. And thanks for giving me a second chance to get the story right.

I'm happy to be home.