The Dream Job I Didn’t Want

To understand how we got to London round 2, you have to understand how I got to London round 1. 

It wasn’t some meticulously thought-out plan or a years-in-the-making move. It was, quite honestly, a plot twist. 

I had applied for a role at a company in California. It seemed like a good next step, something familiar and local. But then they called me and said: “Actually, we’d like to offer you another role… its based out of our London office.” 

And I swear, I barely heard anything after the word London. 

Living in London had always been a dream of mine. Not just a cute mood board dream, a deep, soul-level longing. And now here it was: a job I was genuinely interested in, centrally located, increased pay (which you need if you plan to afford rent without selling an organ), and a starting bonus. Oh — and I’m a dual citizen who just happened to receive her UK passport after a lifetime of putting it off… interesting timing. 

It was the definition of a silver platter moment. One that people fantasize about. One I felt I had to say yes to. 

But I wasn’t excited. Not really. Not in the way I thought I would be. 

The truth is, I was torn. My boyfriend, my family, my friends, they were all in Southern California. My life was there. Choosing London meant choosing the unknown. It meant leaving behind everything I’d built for the chance at something I wasn’t even sure I was ready for. 

But here’s the thing about dream opportunities: people expect you to grab them with both hands and zero hesitation. And for a risk adverse over-thinker like me, that pressure was deafening. I couldn’t be the girl who always said she wanted to live in London… and then didn’t go when the moment finally came. 

So, I did it. I accepted the job. I found a furnished flat in Holland Park, bought a one-way ticket and off I went with my three suitcases. 

It all sounds so bold, doesn’t it? 

Except I never really stepped into that new life. 

Because while I was there physically… that’s about it. My heart? My head? They never fully arrived.